Secret Shame: A Survivor’s Guide to Understanding Male Sexual Abuse and Male Sexual Development has been in the making for more than six years. If you are a male (or know a male) who has been sexually abused and has never disclosed your story; felt emotionally and physically defective; felt your masculinity has been compromised; questioned your sexuality; repeated your sexual abuse with others in childhood; recreated your sexual abuse experience in adulthood; acted out sexually with other men; isolated from emotional and sexual relationships; turned to sexual compulsivity and promiscuity; suffered from abuse related sexual dysfunction; and, have carried secret shame, THIS WAS WRITTEN FOR YOU!
As a clinical psychologist for the past twenty-four years treating men’s issues, my work has centered on the sexual trauma of men and how it is the driving force to multiple forms of addiction, especially sexual compulsivity. Throughout the years, I struggled to find a helpful resource for men that provided the information necessary for them to understand their trauma and the deep shame they carry. Male sexual abuse is complicated and the shame it engenders attacks the very essence of a man’s core beliefs of himself, his masculinity, and his sexuality.
The book is filled with information from hundreds of research articles, yet is written in common language understandable to the reader. The book examines the occurrence of male sexual abuse, the negative effects sexual abuse has upon the survivor, and the influence it has upon male sexual development, sexuality, and subsequent sexual behavior. It contains personal accounts of thirteen men who were individually interviewed by the author and who were courageous enough to share their in-depth experiences of sexual abuse and its implications upon their sexual development and sexual lives. The chapters highlight various aspects of their stories to help bring insight into the reader’s own experience.
A famous psychologist, Carl Jung, said that “shame is a soul eating disease.” Sexual abuse is the secret shame that lies deep within boys and men. For decades, the focus of sexual abuse research, educational programs, and media has been on the suffering of females. There has been much less attention given to the effects of sexual abuse on males.
Men who have experienced sexual abuse deserve to be heard and to heal! The wounded inner child deserves to be comforted and protected, and the adult deserves to be free of the impact of sexual abuse and move into living a happy life free of emotional, physical, relational and sexual dysfunction, and compulsivity.
Successful treatment for sexually abused men involves several steps. Secret Shame: A Survivor’s Guide to Understanding Male Sexual Abuse and Male Sexual Development explores all of these topics in-depth. To help the
sexually abused man work through these steps on his own or with a therapist, I have also created
Secret Shame: A Male Sexual Abuse Workbook that is complimentary to the main text. The chapters coincide and offer a roadmap through the healing process. Get your copy today and set off on the road to healing.
About Me
Dr. Carpenter is a Licensed Psychologist and professor in the field of psychology. He and his spouse, Mary Carpenter, LMSW are the founders of Insight Counseling Services in Auburn Hills, Michigan. Dr. Carpenter has Doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology from the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology; earned a Master of Science in Counseling and Substance Abuse Rehabilitation from Pace University; and has an Associates of Arts in Theological Studies from Kent Christian College. He has a keen ability to translate academic
psychology and sound clinical research into clinical practice and in his writings. He has a broad range of knowledge treating an array of psychological, emotional, and behavioral disorders with extensive study and therapeutic skills in the area of gender role conflict, shame, sexual abuse and trauma, and
chemical and behavioral addictions.
Dr. Carpenter is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, husband, father and clinical psychologist who has devoted his career to helping men who experienced sexual abuse as children understand the effects of that abuse on their growth, development, relationships and sexual health so that they can move forward in their healing process. Besides having his PHd in clinical psychology and an MS in Counselling and Substance Abuse Rehabilitation, Dr. Carpenter is author of "Secret Shame – A Survivors Guide to Understanding Male Sexual Abuse and Male Sexual Development." Dr. Carpenter lives in Michigan with his wife, two children, one daughter-in-law and three Spaniels. This program is presented by the Men of Voices Beyond Assault and is co-hosted by survivors Craig Heiting and Lorward Choi.
Secret shame
a survivor's guide to understanding male sexual abuse and male sexual development
Men who have experienced sexual abuse deserve to be heard and to heal! The wounded inner child deserves to be comforted and protected. The lies men have told themselves must be confronted and dispelled. The adult deserves to be free of the impact of sexual abuse and move into living a happy life free of emotional, physical, relational and sexual dysfunction, and sexual compulsivity. My hope is that by reading these pages, men can find hope for themselves by making sense of their experience and find healing for the secret shame that has kept them from developing into the men they were intended to be. The road to healing begins now!
As a CSA Survivor, Doug’s book was instrumental in allowing me to understand my relationship with my abuser, but more importantly my mental and emotional state as a result of the abuse and what I did as a consequence. It Helped me to move forward with my recovery, and helped me to evolve, grow, and find peace.
WRITINGS
This is Part 2 of a 2-part interview program. This program is presented by the Men of Voices Beyond Assault and is co-hosted by survivors Craig Heiting and Lorward Choi.
Many people use the words arousal and desire interchangeably. My new book will be an expansion of the ideas I presented in the Husband Material podcast Arousal vs. Desire, one of the most popular podcasts among listeners. I have been contacted several times and asked “Where can I learn more about this concept.” My new book will do just that! Many people do not understand why they have the sexual desires, arousal, and urges they have. I will intricately explore and detail that desire is a natural God given gift and arousal is formed by experience helping the reader to gain a deep understanding of themselves and their experience.
How Can I Help You
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My suggested readings
The Road to Healing
All Men Are Men - Childhood Trauma & the Non-Alpha Male
All men are men. Some men are shamed by both men and women for “not being a man,” either for not comporting themselves as a man who exhibits typical/desirable masculine traits, or who “puts the pussy on the pedestal,” or who carries beliefs and values which are at odds with others, or who either cannot or will not meet a woman’s expectations, etc. They are the
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- Michael Ronin
Author of
Modern Masculinity for the Conscious Man
Excellent Resource - Secret Shame
Excellent resource that every mental health clinician should have on their shelf. This is a well written and sourced book. It covers the topics that WILL come up if you spend time working with men with a history of child sexual abuse(CSA). This is the best comprehensive book that I have ever read on the topic of CSA (have read at least 12). I have worked with CSA survivors both in my professional practice as well as in trauma survivor workshops for over 25 years. If you see men in clinical practice and don't have the topic of CSA surface, then please start inquiring about it directly. This book is written in a format to quickly find and review a specific topic in the middle of a busy day of clinical practice.
- Mark Barber DO - Board Certified in Family Medicine